At frustration station without a map

I’ve said this before and I know I will be saying it a million more times before the end of March arrives: I detest not knowing what is going to happen.

I detest not knowing where I’m going to live in 4 months. I detest not knowing where the boy is going to be living in 4 months. I detest all of th uncertainty of it and the fact that no matter how much we talk about it, no solution will come. We can talk about it until the cows come home, but in the end no decisions can really be made until the end of March when all of my acceptance letters come in (and yes, they will all be acceptance letters because, let’s face it, I am just that awesome!)

Basically, I am one frustrated chick today. Angsty femme-rock songs could be written about how I feel today.

My number one goal has been to remain positive and roll with the punches throughout this whole “getting into doctor school” process, but some days (today, for example) I want to be the one throwing the punches and not taking them.

I have never been so acutely aware of how little we have control over in our lives.

But I have also never been so acutely aware of how beautiful that is. Sometimes the not knowing period teaches us to appreciate what we have now because who knows where it will be in a few months. I know for certain that I am ready to figure out where my life will be come May but I’m trying not to think of May or make plans for May. Because I want to enjoy February, not wish it away.

So even though I feel like stomping around like a little 2 year old right now and/or curling up under the covers, I am so incredibly thankful that I even have the chance to be so uncertain about where my life is headed. Because it means I have options and all of the hard work I have put in to get those options has finally paid off.

So, uh, go me!

{Today’s run was 4 miles. I changed my pace so much that I can’t remember my exact splits, but I capped out at an 8 minute pace}

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