Recently, my life has been full of changes and decisions, both large and small. Honestly, I think it’s the smallest decisions that have thrown me for a loop (what dress do I want to buy? what produce do I want to get at the store?) because my brain has been so preoccupied with the large decisions.
All of this new-ness is causing a near-constant adrenaline rush, which is probably responsible for me feeling constantly exhausted. At the beginning of the semester, I was convinced that “everything” (whatever the definition of everything may be) would fall into place once I figured out where I would be doing my graduate studies but that has proven to be not so true. In fact, figuring out where I would be doing my graduate studies was the easy part.
Apartment searching, keeping up with my studies, keeping healthy (mind and body), figuring out what my summer plans will be, and maintaining a healthy relationship with the boy have proven to be the hard parts.
Exhilarating, but difficult.
I guess it’s all part of growing up, but I am in completely uncharted territory; in a serious relationship, looking to buy furniture to move into my first “grown up” apartment, getting ready to become a doctor. Those are all things I pictured in the future for myself but the future is here and now and I’m finally learning what it means to ‘live in the present’. Tomorrow is potentially scary, but now is beautiful and serene and anything is possible.
Although not all of my now moments are serene. I often sit cuddled up on my couch, feeling paralyzed with “what ifs” and “oh my gosh, I am so scared-s” . After some deep breaths and tea, I often feel less afraid and more optimistic (because I am truly looking forward to this next chapter in my life) but the fact remains that I am entering a completely new realm. Not knowing what I am doing has led me to stall on simple decisions, like where I want the boy and I to eat dinner or what dress I want to wear to my friend’s wedding; it also led me to realize that sometimes it’s best to make a decision without over-analyzing and that it’s better to take life by the reigns and go with your gut because no one decision will land you in the gutter for eternity.
I’ve also learned that reinvention is kinda fun. And again, kind of palm sweat inducing.
But that’s life, no?
And besides, no one ever achieved anything great by sitting on their couch being terrified of stepping out of their comfort zone. I don’t want to look back and realize all of the spectacular opportunities I missed out on simply because I was scared to step out of my box.
For some good advice on change, check out these articles: