A year ago

A year ago, my dream came true. I got into my dream school, I moved to my dream city. By all accounts, I was living the dream.

But there was always that tiny niggling voice in the back of my head reminding me that it was not truly what I wanted. Lately, however, it has been screaming at me. So, re-evaluation ensued. And then I contact the school I was at previously, what I considered to be my #2 choice when applying for all of this nonsense, and started thinking about transferring.

The devil on my shoulder constantly reminds me that I need to follow the rules, I got what I wanted, I wasn’t careful what I wished for, and now I just need to suck it up because I’ve made my bed.

The angel on my shoulder is reassuring that I can choose whatever I think is best, that in the long-term where I graduated from probably won’t matter, that as long as I’m happy life will be good…and reminds me how happy I was in the #2 city.

Needless to say, there is plenty of turmoil in my mind these days. I live in fear of making the wrong decision, but I also live in fear of being stuck in a place in which I’m unsatisfied.

Today, I re-read my ten year plan. Thankfully, it gave me enough clarity to relax and know that whichever path I choose, it will lead me to what I want. I don’t want to be a millionaire, I don’t want to have a job that consumes me, I just want to be happy and have enough to live comfortably. I made it a point to say that I did not want my work to define me, but it seems that, ever since moving, my future job is what defines me.

I don’t think that going back to #2 will be the magic bullet, but I think that it will give me what I need: a perfectly sized city full of delicious food, friendly people, and a non-existent horrendous rush hour along with good experience and support from the Boy. That is what I want.

My final decision isn’t written in stone, but I think I’m slowly getting there. I’m slowly boiling down the pros and cons and deciding what will make me that happiest, most fulfilled person that I can be. And right now, that’s all I can ask of myself.

How do you make decisions?

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