“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” ~Unknown
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Where I am in my life right now (young, at a top ranked school, supposedly living it up) is where I always thought I would be. When I chose my field of study, I knew that this school was where I *had* to be, and there were no other options.
Problem is, something just doesn’t feel right. And, it’s probably apparent from all of my recent ramblings, but I’m just not as happy here as I feel I should be.
So this weekend I’m going back to visit school #2. To see if the spark is still there before I hit that all powerful “submit” button on my application and seal the deal.
It’s really hard to tell whether or not I’m headed in the right direction. On one hand, I am so comfortable with school #2. I know that if I have problems, someone will drop what they are doing and help me. It’s slightly disturbing to me that I feel that I have no one to go talk to here. Grad school is no joke, nor is it a solitary journey. I’ve tried reaching out the people repeatedly, but again…something just doesn’t feel right.
When it comes down to it, my decision is made. But I’m not quite sure how to let go of these expectations of myself to “suck it up” and “quit complaining” and “keep on truckin'”. I shouldn’t have to “suck it up” through what should be the happiest, free-est years of my life. But that is what was always expected of me, that is always what I expected of myself. I’m having a hard time realizing that I don’t have to cling to expectations if they are making me feel miserable.