Friday love list: Rest

It’s been a long week. Too many early mornings, not enough downtime. Midterm time is almost upon us and the amount of work necessary to stay on top of all my school work is quite frankly, astonishing. Getting a doctorate is hard, ya’ll. So this weekend I want to focus on being restful.

It’s Friday and I’m in love with:

1. Earl Grey Tea. Fall is nearly upon us down here (or at least the temperatures aren’t absolutely scorching) and there’s nothing like a big mug full of warm, steaming, milky tea to make your mind at least attempt to sit still for a minute.

2. Say Yes to the Dress. A perfect mindless Friday night TV show to zone out to while browsing Pinterest. Yes, I am that girl.

3. Running outside. During the week, I’m typically confined to gym running, mostly because when I get to school it’s dark and when I leave school it’s dark. I live in a fairly safe neighborhood but still kind of hate the idea of running in the dark. So my weekend runs after a big cup of caffeine and a leisurely breakfast are just amazing.

4. Pastries. As mentioned above, weekends are for leisurely breakfast. Which to me usually means a vegan chocolate chip scone from the local market. Basically, there’s no better way to get a day started than with some sugary carbs made by someone else for my consumption.

5. Pajamas all day. Last weekend was filled with being social and getting dressed all cute to impress. This weekend with be filled with pajamas, pajamas, pajamas. I feel like that speaks for itself…

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!

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Mental strength

I got home today at 1 pm. After stopping by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and the farmer’s market to get a fresh salad.

Who am I and who high-jacked my Google calendar?

Having spare time to come home and take a long shower (!!!) and watch The Real Housewives while wearing my robe/compression socks and munching on my lunch was purely divine. I rarely have more than a 2 hour block of time open, and I typically use that free time to get going early for a run before I need to hit the books and see patients.

So 4 hours? At home? That’s heaven. Especially today, since I have just conquered the first exam of the semester and the first grand rounds of the semester.

Of course now I’m sitting at work feeling exhausted, naturally.

But my shorts crisis from yesterday has been averted, at least…at around lunch time yesterday, I had just finished an exam and was facing 2 free hours of no patients (I’m sensing a trend…too bad it won’t last). I was feeling antsy, and in denial that I had any other work to do. So what’s a girl to do? Well, go to the school bookstore and buy a new pair of running shorts, of course.

Normally buying anything from the school bookstore makes me shudder. But the lure of the run was just too much for me to handle, so I broke down and bought a pair. And proceeded to have an excelled 4.5 mile run, which eliminated the need to do a twice-a-day today…something that my legs greatly appreciated, since I was about to give up about 20 minutes into today’s 4-miler.

Most days, running is more a battle of “can my legs and lungs keep up”. Today was a battle with my brain. My legs were tired, I was tired, I was ready to give my presentation and commence my afternoon of nothingness. I contemplated only running 3 miles, I contemplating stopping at 2 miles and spending 20 minutes on the elliptical. But for the sake of mental toughness, I kept going. Strengthening my resolve can only help, right?

Fast forward to now: my legs are still tired, I am still tired, but at least I know I pushed through a run when all my brain could say is “please stop, we want to go eat a bagel”. And I definitely just got hit on by a cute law student, which does not hurt…

Thwarted by running shorts

This morning, I was up and at ’em at the bright and early time of 5:45. I was extraordinarily proud of myself for practically bounding out of bed and managing to be productive when all I *really* wanted to do was have a day off.

I packed my 1000 lb. backpack, grabbed my running bag, and headed out the door to the gym. I was more than excited to hit the indoor track, for once, because I created a brand new playlist and my legs felt rested and I knew I wouldn’t sweat like the dickens walking to class because it’s a brisk 55 degrees outside.

It wasn’t until I started stuffing things into my locker that I realized something was wrong. I was missing a key ingredient…my running shorts.

Plenty of thoughts ran through my head: Can I just run in my clinic pants? Nope. Could I go buy a new pair of shorts at the bookstore? Waste of valuable time. How did I manage to not have running shorts? Oh yeah, I took them out of my bag to air the nastiness out of them…well, at least now I have time to work on my 5000 item to-do list.

Go. Me.

Sad and extremely annoyed, I trudged on to the library. Life was only made better by a grande skinny vanilla latte and pumpkin bread. I swear, pastries are nature’s band-aid for angry brains. That and finally finishing a monster journal presentation, and I am *finally* feeling a little less angsty that a pair of running shorts threw a wrench in my morning.

But I am still faced with the problem of: where do I stick those extra 4 miles that I was supposed to run today? Not Friday, because my day is jam packed. Not today because I won’t be home until normal human beings have been asleep for an hour or two. I’m not “in training” per se, but those miles are of total value to me…they are base miles that I desperately wanted so when 1/2 mary training rolls around my legs aren’t screaming.

So, my solution? Try a two-a-day. Tomorrow, I may feel differently. But at least I’ll have the option…and hopefully, my pair of running shorts.

How do you deal with thwarted runs? My type A self is still trying to reconcile a plan gone wrong….

Bless your heart.

Monday is here. Which means that when my alarm went off this morning, my first thought was: “Ugh, not again”.

My weeks have been freakishly non-stop busy since May rolled around and I think I *finally* may be getting a tiny little bit of reprieve. So I’m deciding to be optimistic and plan out my running schedule ahead of time instead of lacing up my shoes and running parking lot loops because I didn’t feel like facing the gym.

M: Rest! My day is full of patients and meetings and work, so it seems like the perfect day to just say no to running. Typically, a quick two miler puts a little pep in my step but I think my legs could use a break.

T: 3 miles

W: 4 miles

Th: 3 miles, speed on dreadmill

F: 2 miles of parking lot loops (yes, I said I wanted to avoid that…but it’s better than no run at all!) or rest, depending on my poor little legs

S: 3 miles

Su: 3 miles

Also, say a little prayer for my heart. I’m getting my cholesterol tested today (because high cholesterol runs in my family, blah blah blah) and I have to admit that I’m slightly nervous. My taking-care-of-myself meter has been running higher than usual lately, but I’m concerned about all of the junk I put into my body on a regular basis from May-July. That paired with family history/long-term use of birth control pills is leading me to feel the pressure. So put some positive thoughts out into the world and hopefully they’ll pay off!

Girls on the Run

This morning, I sent in an application to be a 5k volunteer for my local Girls on the Run. Mostly because I love running and want to share that with everyone and anyone who will listen.

I’m not going to lie, I’m also in the “prep my resume for applying to residency” part of my education, so volunteering to run seemed like a pretty decent deal.

But then I started filling out their application and answering questions such as “What do you feel you could bring as a volunteer for GOTR?” etc etc.

And my realization hit me like a ton of bricks: I was tremendously lacking in strong female role models while I was growing up and getting the opportunity to hopefully, maybe make even a tiny bit of a difference in a young girl’s life makes my heart swell two sizes too big.

Lacing up for a run is something that I *always* wished my mother would have done for me. Even more importantly, I wish she had been there for me for all of those “milestone” moments for a teenage girl…ones that seem insignificant but leave a lasting impression, like the first marching band competition of the year or the “guess what, I’m engaged?!” phone call. My mother was very unfortunately M.I.A for a large majority of my child hood; all I learned from her was how *not* to be when I decide to have my own family. Thankfully my father was quite possibly the best father I could have asked for and taught me how to grow up and be successful.

Hitting that submit application button brought back all sorts of resentful feelings.

Knowing what I know now about depression and motherhood and being an adult in general, I do believe that my mother did the best she could with what she was able to do. But as a daughter, I have a hard time believing she tried as hard as she could. All I wanted was someone to tell me that my butt wasn’t too big, that I look beautiful without make-up, that no matter what I did it was good enough. And instead I got the exact opposite.

Talk about frustrating.

I could go into a million more details with a million times more ranting but I’ll just leave it at this: I want to volunteer for Girls on the Run because I want to try to make a positive change in a young girl’s life. I don’t yet have children, I can’t yet possibly understand what it is like to have your own daughter, but I want to and hope that I can teach whichever girl that I am paired with that she is worthy, she is awesome, and she can do whatever she sets her mind to do.

And to leave off with something slightly less Debbie Downer-esque:

Scary and exciting

Ya’ll, I don’t even know.

I am currently being considered for a baller clinical rotation.

What’s the catch, you ask? Well, let me be the first to tell you: it’s 4 hours away. In a city I’ve never been in. Away from the fiance and familiarity and my daily routine.

Scary. Very scary. But also ridiculously excited. As you can probably tell by this post, I’m not even sure how to put *what* I am feeling into *words*. All I can think of is “so scary” and “so darn excited”.

Granted, I have not even been given the offer yet, but the fact that it’s more than a 90% possibility is making my poor little heart race a little. So many exciting possibilities, so many scary unknowns.

And there it is again. Scary and exciting.

What would you do? Would you leave home for 2 months for a super exciting opportunity? 

*cue heart palpitations*