Mediocre

I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. I think it’s a natural inclination for me to want to be perfect and amazing at everything. Perfect in clinic, perfect at research, perfect at school, perfect at relationships, perfect at running.

Yeah.

It’s just not possible.

Lately I’ve been getting some quasi-negative comments about my performance in clinic. And to be honest, I’ve basically been phoning it in on my clinic days because all I can think about is doing research. But those comments? They were regarding things that I actually (initially) put a whole-hearted effort into.

Yet, of course, those comments made me feel badly and I skulked around the hallways feeling inadequate and, quite frankly, really dumb.

Basically, I’m not the best person at taking constructive criticism well. Even from myself. Which is why I stopped running so seriously about a month ago…I was working hard nearly every morning at the gym and seeing very little progress. And then I realized that I had actually *gained* weight instead of lost it.

Cue burying my face in a bag of Doritos.

It’s a vicious cycle.

I really need to give myself permission to suck: it’s the only way to learn. Great researchers, doctors, and runners didn’t just wake up one day and realize they were amazing at their chosen task. So I don’t know how I expect myself to just wake up one morning and do the same.

Sometimes, stress can be productive but putting myself down each time I “fail” at something I’m still new to? That’s not okay.

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